21 Guns
by ThePandoricaWillOpen
Summary: Fenris always knew Anders would go too far. He just never knew how far. Now, as the remains of the Chantry fall from the sky, he looks at his lover, his savior. Can he remain at his side, outlaws on the run, or will he support Hawke and Templars? (Complete)


"_Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away? And you feel yourself suffocating?"_

Their eyes met amidst all he carnage. Bodies lay between them, Templars and Mages alike. Remnants from the destruction of the Chantry were still falling as dust. _Some of this dust has to be human remains_, Fenris thought meekly. Ethina could be falling from the sky for all he knew.

Hawke and Knight-Commander Meredith spoke in hushed voice as if to conceal their plans. Orsino had fled moments before the battle has commenced, leaving all of his mages to fend fro themselves. Outnumbered, they'd quickly succumbed to Hawke and the Templars.

Fenris stared at the mage that'd caused all of this, green eyes met brown and for that one moment they were transfixed. Nothing mattered, not the Chantry exploding nor Hawke taking sides with the Templars. They stared at each other. Anders begging him to understand, Fenris begging him to run. This was all a dream, a horrible nightmare. It had to be. Anders couldn't have possibly done something this horrid, this cold-hearted. But of course, Fenris concluded, Anders wasn't doing this on his own, the demon had to have him entirely. This was not Anders, Fenris was sure of that.

It all came crashing down as Meredith left with her Templars and Hawke turned to face them. Hawke stepped between them, blocking Fenris' sight of Anders, and sighed in frustration. Anders cringed a little before turning and sitting on a crate a few feet away. Hawke paced in front of Fenris, running his hand running through his fiery red hair trying to control his anger. Fenris knew what was to come, he knew Hawke well enough to guess.

"There is nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself," Anders said from his seat, his back to Hawke and Fenris. "I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

"Did that spirit tell you to do this?" Hawke asked firmly. Fenris stood on the tip of his toes to listen. Did he realize that the demon had influenced him?

"No," Anders replied shaking his head slightly. Fenris almost laughed at that. The demon practically controlled the mage. "When we merged, he ceased to be. We are one now," Anders continued. "I could no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could."

_What a lie! _Fenris almost yelled out. The burning, sinking feeling in his chest rose as Hawke turned away from Anders before touching the hilt of his sword.

"I might have understood if you'd only told me." Hawke told him his face blank. He wouldn't have understood; he'd taken the sides of the Templars from the beginning. Hawke would've never even tried to understand, he wouldn't have helped him if he knew what the drake stones and the Sela Petrae were going to be used for.

"I wanted to tell you," Anders said unsure. "But the world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution."

Fenris took a step forward, his markings flaring to life as Hawke's hold on his sword tightened. Anders was not going to die, not if he could help it. Yes, the mage made a mistake but it wasn't his fault. That thing inside of him controlled him, manipulated his thoughts. Anders trusted the demon far too much to realize that.

"And if I pay for that with my life…" Anders said as if sensing Hawke's movements. "Then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free."

"Opinions." Hawke turned to his companions, his eyes widening at how close the elf was. Aveline, in Guard Captain mode, wanted justice for the Chantry. Sebastian was too in shock to talk. He'd crashed to the ground weeping when the bright red explosion had begun. Varric commented with out really picking a side while Merrill suggested Anders deserved a second chance. But that wouldn't happen. Anders would never help the Templars, even if his life depended on it.

Hawke's ice blue eyes landed on Fenris. He didn't know what to say, he had no words in him. All he wanted to do was shake the damned mage and get out of this city. He couldn't look at Hawke, not when his lover's fate rested on Hawke's shoulders. He knew all too well the mercy Hawke gave mages. It usually ended with the mages having a dagger imbedded in their chest.

Hawke continued to stare at him but Fenris would not return the look. Kirkwall was in need of change and who else to inspire change but an Apostate, he finally reasoned.

"Fenris?" Hawke asked after a while. "Opinions?"

"I-" Fenris was at a lost for words.

"Whatever you do," Anders said hurriedly before Fenris could re-open his mouth to speak. "Just do it."

Hawke turned back to the mage, his hand slipped from his sword. Relief spread through Fenris as he stepped away from Anders and signaled for a group meeting. Anders remained a few feet away from them, easily within hearing range.

"What should I do?" Hawke asked them. "He's started a war."

"A war which you quickly took sides in," Fenris spat at Hawke. "He is your friend, a trusted friend to us all. You can't just-"

"I can do what I like," Hawke interrupted. "I'm the Champion Of Kirkwall, It is my decision."

"Then why are we here?" Fenris asked pointing behind him. "If you've already made up your mind."

"I value your opinions." Hawke said crossing his arms over his chest. "I value them a lot."

Fenris laughed. "If you did, we wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place." He pointed out. Varric nodded at the elf before Hawke stared at him. Quickly he busied himself adjusting Bianca on his back.

Fenris stole a glace at the mage, behind Hawke. He was shivering, whether from fear or from the cold he couldn't tell. He'd shrunk into himself, making him appear smaller than he actually was. His blond hair was matted and caked in blood, its tie hanging over his feathered shoulder. This was a defeated Anders, not the tentative caring Anders that Fenris had seen on their many nights together.

Hawke followed his gaze and smirked. He was one of the few who knew about them having caught them on night in Anders' clinic. For almost a month, Fenris maintained his distance from Anders, scared of what Hawke might say. But it didn't matter now; Anders mattered more than anything Hawke could say.

"Something you want to tell us, Fenris?" Hawke asked smirking.

"Let me speak to him," Fenris pleaded. "Before you decide anything, let me speak to him privately."

Hawke looked around the circle once more. Everyone stared at Fenris as if he had grown another head.

"What harm can Broody possibly cause," Varric finally said. "Let him talk to Blondie."

Hawke nodded and stepped aside. Fenris took slow, careful steps towards the mage. His lyrium tattoo's humming the closer he got, a reaction he only got from Anders' magic. He didn't know what he was going to say, he didn't even know if he could face him without saying _I told you so._ Perhaps he could convince him to leave, to run away from Kirkwall while he still could.

Anders stiffened as the elf approached. He didn't want to have to face Fenris, it hurt to much to even think about the white haired elf. He wished they'd never gotten close, not that he regretted it but because he hated hurting people. He hated to see anyone, especially Fenris, helpless in a situation out of their control. Fenris had been in far too many hopeless situations before. And this was certainly one of those times.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The elf asked crouching down in front of Anders. "You could have told me."

"No, I couldn't." Anders shook his head, his hands shaking. "What if you'd stop me? Or worse, what if you wanted to help? I couldn't let you do that."

"What if I did want to help?" Fenris asked softly. "Would that have been so bad?"

"YES!" Anders yelled. "I don't think I would've done this if you'd helped."

Anders turned his gaze towards the now destroyed Chantry. Nothing was left, only the empty space that once contained the Chantry. Justice was please and unwillingly Anders smiled. It was done. His part of the deal was done. Justice had gotten his vengeance and now he laid dormant deep within Anders' mind, never to reappear again unless absolutely necessary.

"I could've helped." Fenris insisted.

"No," Anders turned back to Fenris. "I couldn't let you do that."

"Anders-" Fenris began before the mage shook his head. His blond locks fell over his eyes as he reached down to take Fenris' hands in his own. He traced the lyrium patterns on his hand with him thumb, giving Fenris a chill as the lyrium reached towards Anders' magic. When they met, Fenris felt a chill pass through him, an electrifying yet erotic chill from the tip of his toes to his snowy white hair.

Anders looked at his lover with saddened eyes. He was going to die; he accepted that, he deserved it even. Fenris didn't have to suffer for his mistake. Fenris opened him mouth so say something but the mage silenced him with a tender hand on he nook of his neck. Fenris leaned into the hold, relishing in the feel of the mage's soft hands. His hands moved to his cheek, cupping it.

Fenris looked at Anders with sudden realization. He intended to die. This was his good bye. But no, he wasn't going to die. He would save him from Hawke and most importantly, from himself.

Slowly, Fenris leaned in and kissed Anders on the lips. At first Anders was stiff and Fenris began to wonder if the mage didn't want him anymore. But then the mage opened his mouth, his tongue reaching towards Fenris' in a never-ending battle for dominance. A battle that Fenris was happy to conceded.

Placing his hands on Anders' thighs, Fenris pushed himself against him. Anders still held Fenris by the neck when Fenris reached under his robes unable to wait any longer. It didn't matter where they were or who was watching, Fenris needed to feel the soft contours of the mages skin. Anders groaned against his lips and pulled back, his eyes dark with lust. Fenris pulled back only slightly, his hands still under the mages robe. Anders removed his hand from him and touched his bruised lips, a smile forming upon them. He would miss this, their endless battle for dominance in bed. If only they had one last night together, then everything would be perfect. He could die in peace knowing Fenris would have a part of him. But it wasn't to be.

Behind them, Hawke coughed bringing the full weight of the situation back. Fenris moved his head slightly to the side to see Hawke behind Anders, the dagger gleaming in his hand. Fenris stood, his hands leaving Anders' skin, and glared at Hawke. Anders looked up at Fenris and smiled sadly.

"Nikolai," Fenris said using Hawke's first name to emphasize how serious he was being. "You can't do this."

"I can't kill the person responsible for blowing up the Chantry?" Hawke asked. "I can't kill the person who slaughtered innocents? Who killed the Grand Cleric? I can't kill him because you need the cocksucker?"

Fenris was taken aback. Hawke had never, ever used profanity against him. They had the sort of mutual respect of opposing rivals. He is intent on killing Anders then, Fenris thought. Fenris walked around Anders, and in 2 steps he was face to face with Hawke.

"I won't let you," he growled. "I won't let you kill him."

"What else am I supposed to do, huh?" Hawke asked. "The Templars want him dead, Orsino wants him dead. Everyone wants his death, they are begging for it! And I'm the only one that can give it to them."

"I won't let you," Fenris repeated slowly.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." Hawke looked at Anders before turning back to Fenris. "If it is a good reason, I _might_ let him flee."

"He didn't do this," Fenris said. "The demon within him manipulated the situation and made him do this."

"I've heard this all before," Hawke said through grinding teeth. "It didn't work them and it won't work-"

"I'll fight you for him then," Fenris said. "Let's duel."

"Fenris," Anders said beside him. "What are you doing?" It would be the mage he was trying to save, the mage who was intent on dying for his damn cause, who would try to stop him.

"I'm trying to help you," Fenris turned to him. "I'm trying to save you."

"Don't do this," Anders begged him. "Don't."

"I'm not letting you die," Fenris said turning to Hawke. "I'm not giving you up."

Hawke looked at him once more, eyes narrowing. It took all of Fenris' might not to lift his sword and split the rogue in two pieces. It would save Anders' life but it would surely end millions of innocents. Innocents who depended on Hawke to strike down the abominations that now roamed Kirkwall.

"I will not fight you," Hawke said finally. "He dies."

He pulled back his arm, fist clenched and hit Fenris square in the mouth. Fenris stumbled back, pushing Anders away from danger, and wiped the blood from his now busted lip. Merrill and the rest of the group seemed too in shock to move. Even Aveline seemed rooted in her place.

Fenris looked at Hawke, assessing him. He was somewhat more muscular than most of Fenris victims, but that only meant he had a weakness. If only he had paid attention to the rogue in battle instead of worrying about Anders. Hawke took out his Antivan daggers and smiled. He loved this, the thrill of a fight. Fighting was something he was good at, something that came naturally to him. But unlike Hawke, Fenris didn't rely on his natural ability; he'd trained everyday for hours on end to achieve his level of mastery. And having Lyrium embedded in his skin helped a bit too.

The human threw a dagger, aiming for Fenris' shoulder, and missed; Fenris moved seconds before it could inflict a wound. He rolled away and swung his heavy sword at Hawke's knees. Hawke jumped over the sword and nearly hit Fenris with another dagger.

Until finally the fight ended, Hawke's companions pulling them apart from each other before they could inflict serious injury. Fenris scowled. He hadn't even gotten a piece of Hawke. He'd punched him in the face and Fenris hadn't-

"You son of a-" Anders ran forth and punched Hawke with so much force that his magic propelled the rogue, and those holding him, back a few feet. Anders rushed to a surprised Fenris, running his hand through his silky white hair. "Are you okay? Do you need healing?"

"I'm alright," Fenris assured him. "Stop fussing over me."

"I can't help it," Anders said, bringing his hand up to caress Fenris' cheek. Fenris became putty in the healer's soft hands. He leaned into the caress and sighed.

"I'm fine as long as you are."

"Oh, I'm fine," Anders teased. "I'm very fine and charming too."

"That you are," Fenris, forgetting about the crowd behind then, pulled Anders into a slow, gentle kiss. He felt the mage moan as he pulled their bodies closer together, his leg rubbing between the mages legs. But then, before Fenris could object, Anders pulled away.

"Not here," Anders said softly. "Not after all I caused."

"Yes, here." Fenris pulled the mage to him. "Yes, under all this mess."

"Fen-"

With a battle cry, Hawke lunged forward his daggers glistening in his hand. Anders turned at the noise and before Fenris could push him out of danger, Hawke was on him, daggers plunged into the mage's chest. Anders fell against Fenris, causing him to fall back. Hawke removed the weapons and stepped back, a satisfying grin on his face. Stunned, Fenris pushed Anders body away. He looked at Hawke and then at Anders, unbelieving.

Anders laid on the ground dying, blood oozed from his robes. His eyes were quickly glossing over as death approached. Fenris fell on his knees in front of Anders. He gripped Anders' hands in his own and looked at his lover. Hawke is going to pay and soon but now Anders was dying and only on thing could save him. Blood magic.

"Merrill!" Fenris yelled over his shoulder. "Merrill!"

Merrill and Aveline rushed passed Hawke and crashed to the floor. Merrill looked at Anders, her eyes wide with worry, while Aveline took her gauntlet off and pressed down on Anders' chest. "I'll need either a lot of lyrium or a willing sacrifice."

"What?" Fenris asked. "Are you asking me to sacrifice myself so that he may live?"

"No, of course not!" She said rubbing her forehead. "I'm just telling you the options."

"I- "

"How much lyrium you need, Daisy?" Varric said appearing behind Fenris.

"A few potions, 5 or six perhaps." Marrill looked up at Varric. "And quickly."

"You got them," Varric said running past Fenris. "Oh, and Broody. Hang in there, Blondie is going to be just fine."

Fenris nodded and turned back to his lover. His body temperature was dropping. Fenris let go of his hand, shoving Aveline's hands away and pressed down on the wounds, tying to stop the bleeding. Aveline looked at the elf and sighed. He wasn't giving up, not now, not ever.

Suddenly, Aveline stood up her shield up. Fenris didn't dare turn; scared Anders would fade away if he did. Aveline took a few steps away from Fenris, towards Hawke he guessed. The Guard Captain wouldn't let Hawke harm him, not when he held his half dead lover.

"Hawke…" Fenris head Aveline say. "Hawke stop."

"He-" Hawke began before Fenris looked over his shoulder, his markings blazing.

"You come near him again and you'll be missing more than your brain!" Fenris growled out.

Hawke gripped his daggers, his hands going white. For a moment, Fenris thought he was actually stupid enough to try to use them. But Aveline stepped in front of him then, her hands on her hips.

"You make move to pass me Hawke," she told him, clearly angered. "And you'll have to deal with me first."

"Traitor!" Hawke yelled as he stormed off. Aveline looked on, prepared should he return. Fenris turned back to Merrill. She was using all her energy to pull Anders back; she had to by-pass that demon.

"He's fighting me," She said, her hands on Anders chest. "Justice, I mean."

"Fight him and win," Fenris said, his eyes filling with tears. "I beg you…"

"I will," Merrill said with newfound determination. "Stand back a bit."

He shook his head and held on to Anders. The wound has clotted, thanks to Merrill, but his breathing was practically non-existent. Fenris looked at Merrill, tears rolling down his face. She nodded with a sad smile before unsheathing a dagger from her armor. She slid the dagger in her palm, her fingers closing around it. Whispering something under her breath, the blood swirled around her as she summoned a demon with her blood magic. Fenris tried to hide his disgust as she conversed with the creature only she could see.

After a few moments, she turned back to Fenris and sighed in relief. Before she could speak, Varric came trotting around the corner. He held a cratefull of glistening blue bottles, Lyrium.

"How's Blondie doing?" He asked setting the crate down. "I came back as fast as I could."

"I found some help," Merrill said happily. "He can get Justice out of Anders."

"And what does this demon require?" Fenris asked caressing Anders' cheek.

"Nothing, Justice has left the Fade too long." Merrill looked to the side. "The other sprits want him back, they want to talk to him."

"Hurry up, then." Varric said handing Merrill a lyrium potion. "I'll keep guard with Aveline."

Fenris keeps touching Anders face, memorizing the feel of it just in case. He leans his head down, forehead to forehead with Anders.

"Do you remember when we first met?" He asked. "I hired Hawke to help me with Denarius. You were already with him when I joined the party. I knew you were infatuated with him, I knew it from the moment I saw you."

Merrill slit the dagger into her palm once more, reopening the wound. She moved her arms over her head, calling out in Dalish. Blood swirled around them, Fenris' marks lighting up as the blood magic reached out for him.

"It wasn't until 3 years later, when Hawke sided with the Templars, that I began to like you. I saw Justice flare, saw what he left in his path. I saw a kind-hearted mage thrown into a revolution he wanted to part of. I saw you fighting to remain you. I saw the man I love."

He felt a chill as the demon approached from the Fade. He couldn't see it, but his marks flared and he felt as if something had passed through him. Merrill looked wide-eyed at him, her eyes glazed. She conversed with the demon before looking at Anders and nodding.

"Anders," Fenris said quickly. "you should have trusted me."

Merrill looked at Fenris. Fenris nodded and stood, trying not to cry. _This better work, or I will kill you witch. _

As if hearing his inner thoughts, Merrill nodded and turned to Anders. Fenris stepped away from the blood circle, his hands on his sides trembling. The color of the circle, a deep red, mixed with the lyrium she was drinking. Fenris clasped his sword just in case as Merrill screamed out, from the spell or something else. _I'm ready for you._

Heartbeats later, Fenris heard a gasp. His heart leaped out of his chest as he recognized it. Anders. His sword slipped out of his grasp, his body numbing. _She saved him. She actually saved him. _He waited for the blood circle to dissipate before rushing to Anders' side. Varric followed him to Merrill's side, taking her away from the elf and mage.

"You bloody idiot," Anders spat out as Fenris fussed over him. "You bloody idiot."

"Anders…" Fenris breathed out. "Anders…"

"Oh, come here!" Anders pulled Fenris in for a breath-taking kiss before pulling away, his hand on the elf's neck. "You should've just left me."

"Never." Fenris crushed his lips on to the Anders'. Caring little about the audience, Fenris pushed Anders on his back and straddled him. "Never."

Anders laughed, a laugh so genuine that it broke Fenris heart. This was his Anders, his lover. Fenris held a lock of Anders' hair between his fingers, studying it. He looked at Anders, his honey red eyes looking at him amused. He looked at those full lips, now chapped. He touched his chest, the wound healed. His robe still held the blood that had seeped out of his body, but that didn't matter any more.

Anders was alive. And that's all that mattered.


End file.
